


No Place Like Underworld

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-29
Updated: 2011-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:50:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clueless, tipsy and bratty, James Cullen wanders into Underworld. It's no time at all before he finds trouble… and Jasper Whitlock. A colab with tellingmelies written for the Fandom Fights Tsunami fundraiser.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Place Like Underworld

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> [ ](http://s118.photobucket.com/albums/o82/lyricalkris/Twilight%20Fanfic%20Stuff/?action=view&current=NoPlaceLikeUnderworld.jpg)  
> 

**A/N: This is a crossover o/s with the James from No Place Like Home by tellingmelies and Jasper from Underworld by LyricalKris. It stands alone but you might enjoy it a little more if you knew those stories.**

James shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, sheltering them from the chilly breeze that had recently picked up as he walked down the Seattle sidewalk. It wasn't the first time he had been kicked out of a club for rowdy behavior, however this time he was in a city he didn't really know and was now just wandering aimlessly through the streets. It was still early and he didn't want to go back to the hotel just yet, besides he wasn't nearly as drunk as he wanted to be.

Coming to a four-way stop, he paused, looking around. Across the street was a McDonald's, it's neon arches glowing in the night like a beacon.  _They probably could see that shit on Mars._ James laughed to himself before his stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything since that morning. Food would probably be a good idea since he planned on consuming more alcohol before the night was over. He was about to cross the street when something to the right caught his eye.

A red light flashed at the end of the dark alleyway, disappearing for a beat then returning. Forgetting all about the food, he turned and headed down the narrow road. Dumpsters lined the street, their smell seeping out and turning James's stomach. He quickened his pace, the light growing brighter the closer he got. After walking what seemed to be the length of a football field, the alleyway opened up to another city street. The light flashed again to his left, drawing his attention to the brick building. He noticed that with every flash of light, a sign was illuminated above the door.

Underworld.

People were standing around the door, talking to the doorman or to each other. A few stood off to the side, leaning against the bricks, smoking. Their outfits were unlike anything he had ever seen. Leather and metal and skin. James grinned and walked up to the door, getting in line behind a girl in a pleated skirt that barely covered her ass. He was too busy watching the way it moved up as she walked that he didn't see the doorman until the arm shot out in front of him, blocking the entrance.

"You gotta pay to play," the man said, crossing his arms over his chest. The guy looked James up and down, raising an eyebrow. James looked down at his outfit. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a black button down shirt, much better than the fishnet looking shirt the bouncer was wearing.

Rolling his eyes, James paid the man his cover and was granted access to the club. He stood just inside the door, taking in the scene before him, planning where best to work his magic. Music pounded throughout the club, vibrating deep in his chest. James winked at two girls sitting at a table next to him before heading toward the bar.

He squeezed himself in between the crowd of people until he was leaning against the bar. He quickly ordered a beer, and then turned around to check out the crowd. His eyes immediately found the girl who had been in front of him outside in line. The skirt she was wearing showed off her very shapely legs and when she bent over – well, damn if you couldn't see all of Victoria's secrets. James grinned to himself, taking a swig of the beer. The girl turned around and met his eyes. James raised his glass in greeting but the girl just dropped her eyes to the floor without acknowledging him. From behind her, another girl emerged, this one dressed in a black pantsuit. She whispered something into the ear of the first girl, who nodded and followed the new girl to the end of the bar.

 _Whoa, was that chick wearing a collar?_  James craned his neck to get a better look at the departing duo, but the crowd had already swallowed them.  _Kinky_ , he thought, smiling to himself.

He stayed like that for a few minutes, just surveying the crowd. He briefly wondered if there was a Marilyn Manson convention or some shit in town based on all the leather people were or weren't wearing, when a head of blond hair at the other end of the bar caught his attention.

"No fucking way," he laughed to himself, pushing off of the bar. Dancing his way smoothly through the crowd, he slid into the recently vacated barstool and patted the shoulder of the man to his right.

"Yo, Jasper, I knew you were a freak, man! You here with the wife? I gotta say, I can't really see Alice here. But I guess you never can tell." James was so busy looking around the crowd, trying to see if he could spot his cousin, that he didn't notice the look of confusion on the other man's face.

The guy shrugged off James's hand from his shoulder. "I don't know how you know my name, but I think you have me confused with -"

James turned back to him, his eyes wide as he figured it out. "Naw, man. I bet you're here with Edward, right? Yeah, this it totally some place that fucker would be."

A look of recognition passed over Jasper's face. "You know Edward?" he asked, intrigued.

James looked at Jasper like he was crazy. "What the fuck you on? Of course I know Edward, he is my cousin after all."

Jasper rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed with the conversation. He downed the amber liquid in his glass before speaking. "You're not Edward's cousin," he said, matter-of-factly.

James paused mid head bob and turned slowly toward Jasper. "Dude, I think you need to put the glass down and call a cab, because you are _gone_! What the fuck do you mean, 'You're not Edward's cousin'? Who the fuck was there at your wedding? Me. Whose family did you fucking marry into? Mine."

Jasper held his hand up, finally hearing enough. "Look, whatever your name is. I am not married," he held up his left hand for emphasis, wiggling the ringless finger. "So this marriage you speak of has no bearing on me whatsoever." James opened his mouth to speak but Jasper quieted him with one look. "Another thing. I know without a doubt that you have me mistaken for someone else and we both happen to know someone by the name of Edward." Jasper reached into his pocket and withdrew a cell phone. He pushed a few buttons before holding it out to James. "This is my Edward. Not the same, right?"

Placing one hand on the bar, James leaned forward, squinting into the glare of the phone. "Hmm…they both have that weird hair thing, but, yeah, that's not my cousin." He straightened up while Jasper put the phone back in his pocket. "But you gotta admit that's one crazy coincidence. I mean, your name's Jasper and you have an Edward." Jasper smirked, almost as if sharing a private joke with himself. "Well, since I'm not related to you, allow me to introduce myself. I'm James, pleasure to meet you." James held out his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine," Jasper chuckled, grasping James's hand with his own.

James ordered another drink, and then looked out into the crowd again. "Man, this place is something else."

"Your first time, huh?" Jasper asked, not really knowing why he was continuing a conversation with this person.

"You think?" James laughed. "I think I'm under-dressed."

Jasper turned toward James. "Look, man, I think there's some things you should know about here," he started before he was cut off.

"Naw, man, check this out." James nodded to a girl on his left. "Watch me work."

"I'm not so sure you should -"

James just smiled, downed his drink and turned away. He slid up next to a girl with her back to him, sliding his arm over her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder, surprise etched on her face. Her eyes quickly darted to the man next to her, who had yet to notice the intruder, then back to James.

"What's your name, baby?" James asked, in a smooth voice. The girl didn't answer, just looked back around at the guy next to her. Jasper slid off his barstool and began making his way over to what was about to be a disaster. James didn't notice the girl's apprehension and continued talking. "That's cool. Well, uh, you can call me Flintstone, cause I can make your bed rock."

Jasper rolled his eyes at the lame attempt at a pick up right as the guy finally noticed someone was talking to his girl. His eyes narrowed and his hands formed fists.

"Felix," Jasper called, his voice commanding as he distracted the much-larger-than-James man. "Give that one here. He belongs to me."

The bigger man looked highly suspicious. "I didn't see you come in with him. And if he's yours, where's his collar? I didn't think you took subs for more than an evening."

Rolling his eyes, Jasper stepped up to the stranger - James he said his name was - and put a firm hand around his arm. "I'm beginning to think I was right not to in the past. This one is sometimes more trouble than he's worth." He let his hard look tender somewhat as he patted James's hair. "It was a lover's spat, wasn't it, pet?" Looking back at Felix, he shook his head ruefully. "He's just trying to get my attention."

James gave a little, incredulous laugh, trying to tug his arm out of Jasper's grasp. "I don't know what the fuck -"

Jasper whirled, grabbing James's chin with his free hand and holding it in an almost painful grip. "That's enough out of you. Just wait until I get you home. You have a long date with the paddle, and that's just for starters."

"Why wait?" Felix asked, still looking quite irked. "It is me and Jane that he's acted out toward." He pulled the quiet, blond woman onto his lap as he sat down and began petting her softly. "Would that please you, little one? To see this brat brought to justice?"

"Very much, Master," Jane responded, looking over at Jasper and James with a gleeful glint in her eyes.

Jasper took a moment to consider his options, keeping a tight hold on James's chin to keep him from talking. The other man was wiggling like a little child. "I think this one needs a little lesson in humility. Felix, would you be opposed to letting Jane do the honors?"

Jane seemed giddy at the prospect and looked to Felix with pleading eyes. The large man chuckled. "You know I can deny you nothing." He waved for Jasper to get on with it.

Just then, James managed to twist his chin out of the other man's grip. "Listen, buddy, I don't care who you look -"

"Shut up," Jasper demanded, fairly exasperated because why hadn't this idiot caught on yet? "Jane here is going to give you a spanking. What do you think about that?" he taunted.

James's eyes went wide and he looked over at the grinning Jane. He laughed, his lips turning up in a cheeky smile. "That's hot." He bent over slightly, his hands on his knees and began shaking his ass in Jane's direction. "You want to smack this booty? Come on, girl. Bring it."

"Master, may I please have my paddle?" Jane asked Felix sweetly.

"My pleasure, little one," Felix returned, reaching into a bag at his feet and producing a rather wicked looking paddle. Of course, many couples brought some of their playthings to club. Public spankings were popular.

Jasper hid a smile behind his hand as James laughed nervously, his cocky demeanor wavering slightly. He must have decided a woman as tiny and delicate looking as Jane couldn't pack that much of a punch because his grin came back in full force. "You like handling wood, huh?"

Jane strode forward, her eyes narrowing slightly as she suddenly swung from submissive to dominant. She took James's arm and dragged him a short distance to a nearby table. When she pushed him toward it, James actually stumbled. "Assume the position, slut."

Still not taking the situation seriously, James laughed again and bent over the table, surprisingly obedient when the orders were coming from a hot girl in fishnet stockings. "You've got a filthy mouth, little girl. I'm loving - SHIT!" James yelled in surprised as Jane brought the paddle down on his ass hard enough that the crack echoed through the club.

Jasper grabbed James's arms just as the other man tried to straighten up, keeping him pinned down to the table. He almost felt bad - almost. Obviously this stranger hadn't had a clue what kind of club he walked into. But Jasper knew Felix and his jealous temper. If he didn't let Jane get in a few licks, Felix would pulverize James's pretty face.

Besides, James struck Jasper as the kind of brat who probably deserved a sore ass for once in his over-privileged life. "Come on, pet," Jasper said in a chiding voice as the paddle landed again and James jumped. "Little Janey here can probably take thirty licks of this paddle on her bare ass before she sheds a single tear."

"Fifty," Jane corrected, swinging the paddle with particular force.

Glaring at Jasper, James swallowed his groan. As expected, they were drawing an audience, and were now being watched by many others in the club. Men and women alike were cheering Jane on as she continued to beat James's ass merrily.

After that, James took his punishment with his lips pressed together in a thin, angry line. Jasper tried to keep his face serious, but it was difficult. He had to admit that Jane had a hell of an arm. Between that and James's absolutely indignant expression as he moaned lowly and tried not to wiggle, Jasper was having trouble not full on grinning.

After a solid dozen licks, Jane looked satisfied. She handed the paddle back to Felix with a polite, "Thank you, Master."

Keeping one hand wrapped around James's wrist, Jasper petted Jane's hair. "Thank  _you_ , Jane."

"Perhaps you should stick to single-night scenes," Felix said, pulling Jane back onto his lap. "No submissive of mine would ever disrespect me in that way, lover's spat or no."

Jasper grimaced. He'd never liked Felix. It took a lot for him to simply nod at the other man before he started to drag James out of the club.

The second they got outside, James shook Jasper off. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, or what fucked up shit you people are into -"

Jasper grabbed James by the arm again and hauled him a little further down the street, away from the people hanging out outside the Underworld door. "Shut up and listen for a second, dumbshit," he growled when they were a safe distance away. "Are you stupid? Did you not look around when you walked in there? The people who go to that club like bondage, submission and pain. It turns them on. Do you understand that Jane had a master? Hence the collar. It's extremely fucking disrespectful to hit on a collared sub."

"Masters? Submissives? You mean like sex slaves," James scoffed, shaking his head. "This is some Dateline shit right h-"

Jasper grasped James by his jacket and shook him. "Everything that goes on in this club is consensual, asshole."

"Right," James returned, shoving Jasper backward. "'Cause every guy just dreams of getting his ass beat by a demonic, pint-sized tinkerbell." He flipped off the door of the club, growling at it menacingly. "Fuck that, see if I clap my hands to save her fairy ass. What I should do is press charges on you and that little bitch."

Sick of the other man's constantly flapping mouth and irritated at James's total lack of appreciation for getting him out of a jam, Jasper snapped. Pushing James up against the wall of closed business they were in front of, he pressed his body against the other man's. "Trust me, buckaroo, I know a moan of pleasure when I hear one. Don't pretend you didn't like it."

Caught by surprise, James didn't immediately push Jasper off. In fact, he moaned as Jasper's body came in contact with his hard dick through his pants. Jasper scoffed lightly, pressing his hips into James's with a little more force. "See?" Jasper said lowly, his lips dangerously close to James's, "bitch all you want, but cocks don't lie." He tilted his head so his lips were against the other man's ear. "You liked it. Admit it."

"Get the fuck away from me," James hissed, pushing Jasper away. Having proved his point, Jasper was about to walk away, but then he caught sight of Felix exiting the club and looking suspiciously in their direction.

Making a split second decision, Jasper grabbed both of James's wrists, pinning them to the wall as he kissed him hard. James went rigid, and Jasper held him fast, pressing his body against the other man's to keep him from fighting too much. Breaking the kiss, Jasper moved his mouth to James's ear, making it look like he was biting down on his earlobe. "Listen to me," he whispered urgently. "If Felix thinks I'm not really your master, he's going to come over here and kick your ass and this time I'm not going to stop him." He really did bite down on James's earlobe then, causing the bratty man to gasp. "You're going to get in my car, and I'm going to take you to my place. It's just a couple of blocks from here. And then you can call a cab or whatever, and get the fuck out of my life."

"Fuck this shit," James spat, pushing Jasper off of him. "I'm calling a cab. Y'all can take your fucked up daddy issues or shit somewhere else." With one more shove, James turned and began walking down the sidewalk, back toward Underworld, with every intention of grabbing one of the cabs that was waiting at the curb. He stopped dead in his tracks when Felix began walking their way.

Jasper walked up behind him, slipping his hand around Jame's elbow. "Unless you want to damage that pretty little face of yours, come with me." With a tug, Jasper led James down the street and around the corner to where his car was parked. Bolting seemed like a good idea to James until he noticed a car pass by them, Felix at the wheel.  
Muttering to himself, he climbed in and slammed the door behind him. "That dude has serious problems."

"No," Jasper replied, starting up the car. "He's just very thorough. What you did in there tonight is not taken lightly by this crowd. I did you a favor."

"A favor my ass," James snorted.

Jasper chuckled darkly. "No, your ass needed no favors. That was all you."

"Ha ha ha," James mimicked without any humor. He leaned his head against the window, watching the city pass by. The drive was silent, neither feeling the need to talk while both lost in their own thoughts.

James shifted in his seat, wincing slightly as he put pressure on his ass. He recounted the evening in his head, trying to figure out how he got in this mess - and also, why his dick was slightly hard. To be honest, that was what was bothering him most. He shifted again and the pain seemed to have a live wire to his dick. He groaned, the sound causing Jasper to look over.

"Relax, Vanilla Jimmy. You're hardly the first sonova bitch to figure out he likes to be spanked," Jasper chuckled.

"Vanilla?" James scoffed, ignoring the rest of Jasper's sentence because he was trying his damndest to pretend like the whole being paddled by a demonic munchkin girl who willfully called a man her master and then being pushed up against the wall and kissed by a man who was currently taking him home hadn't actually happened. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is that like...because I'm white? Because I don't know if you've looked in the mirror lately, but -"

"Do you ever shut up? Fuck, I'm beginning to wish I had a gag," Jasper grumbled. "Vanilla, Einstein, means that you probably only have sex in the missionary position. Non-adventurous. Plain. Vanilla. Get it?"

James bristled. "Oh, hell no. If you're going flavors, I lay it down like milk chocolate. Smooth but -"

"Oh, for the love of God, do not finish that sentence!"

James narrowed his eyes. "Well, don't compare me to boring old vanilla. Just 'cause I don't go around kissing dudes or whatever does not make me boring."

Jasper made a quick turn into the driveway and cut the engine. He turned to face James. "I never said you were boring, just plain. Nothing wrong with plain. Plain can actually be a lot of fun." He smirked. "You can do a lot with plain."

James fidgeted again, this time under the heavy gaze of Jasper. Then with a blink he was gone, leaving James alone in the car. "What the fuck?" he muttered to himself before following Jasper into the house. James closed the door behind him and took a moment to look around. The place seemed normal enough.

"Let me get the number for the local cab company. Don't move," Jasper said firmly as he walked out of the room.

James rolled his eyes and began looking around the living room. All too soon the room lost interest for him and he found himself wandering down the halls, peeking into rooms along the way. A bathroom - boring. A closet - nothing interesting there. A basement - now that's interesting.  _Wonder what that fucker is hiding down here_ , James thought to himself. His hands easily found the light switch and he made his way down the stairs, swaying slightly thanks to the alcohol. He finally came to the bottom and looked around, blinking, as he took in his surroundings.

"What the fuck?"

~oOo~

"Where the hell is that number?" Jasper muttered to himself, opening drawers in the kitchen. Grumbling, he gave up the search after a few minutes. "Hey," he called, heading back into the living room. "Just 4-1-1 them, I can give you the..." he peered around his empty living room, " address."

There was a lunatic loose in his house.

Realizing that wasn't a charitable thought - he was drunk, maybe James was in the bathroom - Jasper went searching.

His bathroom was vacant. So was Edward's.

He checked the front door. It was locked. Highly doubtful the guy would have meandered out the front door and locked it behind him...

"Dude."

Jasper jumped in spite of himself and turned to find James exactly where he shouldn't be: standing in the doorway to the basement. He was holding one of Jasper's newest toys by the tips of his fingers. He looked at the thing and then back at Jasper with a disdainful expression. "Man, you have got a medieval torture chamber down there. What the fuck is this supposed to be?"

Biting back his annoyance at this stranger wandering his house without permission - the full grown man seemed to have the tact of a 13 year old and the libido to match - Jasper tried not to smirk. "That," he said slowly, "is an anal hook."

It was comical how fast the bratty blond man dropped the thing, his eyes wide and horrified. "What... Jesus, you people are bizarre." He took several steps back, as if the thing was going to bite him.

Jasper strode forward and picked the thing up. He counted down from five in his head.

James didn't disappoint. He was vaguely horrified, but he was curious. "So... is this like a human fishing game?"

"Not quite. See, this," Jasper ran his finger around the stainless steel ball on the end of the hook that was usually pointy, "goes in your ass. The long part lays along your ass crack and your back and usually, you use the hole up here," he pointed to the top of the thing which had a wide hole like the eye of a needle, "with rope."

If Jame's eyes got any wider, they were going to pop right out of his head. "Where do you tie the rope!"

Now Jasper did smirk. "It would work well on that ponytail of yours. That way, whenever you moved your head, you'd get a nice thrill, wouldn't you?"

"Heh, see, I get my 'thrills'," James pantomimed air-quotes, "by getting down with the ladies in public places. The more public, the better. For the record - my favorite encounter was the middle of the dance floor. Redefining Bump and Grind, I'm doing it right." He made a thrusting motion with his hips, his hands in the air.

"You're all class, aren't you?" Jasper asked sarcastically.

Dropping his hands, James rolled his eyes. "Whatever, at least my sexual proclivities-" he threw in the word just to flaunt his stunning vocabulary, "-center around more than just my ass." He looked at the hook skeptically. "Seriously, where's the thrill in sticking things up your asshole?"

"You've never had a girl stick her finger up there?" Jasper asked.

"Dude! Exit only!"

"Not that my talents and, er, desires don't include more than just butt-play, but have you ever heard of a prostate?" Jasper asked.

James wrinkled his nose. "I know Edward had to do an entire rotation sticking his fingers up guys' asses to check them for cancer," he offered.

Jasper gaped at the other man, trying to decide if he'd heard him right. Then he just shook his head. "Okay, well besides being some place where guys get cancer, the prostate is like the male version of a clit. Stimulating it is... very pleasurable," he explained, grinning wickedly.

"Dude, I am not drunk enough for this shit." He ambled off in the direction of the kitchen. "Tell me you have alcohol."

"Uh," Jasper darted after him, a little incredulous, "I was unaware I'd invited you to stay."

"Fuck that. You bring up butt plugs and anal probes and shit...dude, I don't even have words." James stopped and turned suddenly. "How the fuck is that pleasurable?"

Without waiting for him to answer, James turned let out a whoop of celebration. "Hallelujah. Jameson," he muttered, unscrewing the lid of the bottle and gulping down amber liquid as if it was soda pop. Jasper just gaped at him, eyebrows raised. James winced slightly as he put it down.

"Uh... man..." Jasper said slowly, beginning to think he was dealing with a crazy person.

"What?" James asked innocently. "It has my name all over it... literally." He wiped his hand across his mouth. "So uh... do those things come with training wheels or do you go straight to long dong silver?"

Jasper cocked his head. This kid was all over the place. "What do you mean?"

"Size. Size. Are they all that big?" James was looking at the hook in his hand.

"What, this?" Jasper held the thing up, amused when James shrank back from it. "This isn't even big."

"Yeah, if you're talking about my swinging cod, but when you're talking about things that are going in my ass..."

Jasper grinned. "Things going in  _your_ ass. Now when did we start talking about that?"

"Uh...well...you did," James stuttered. Jasper cocked an eyebrow in question. "Earlier," James said with more conviction. "When you were explaining that shit. You said my ass!" James narrowed his eyes. "You've been eying my ass all night. I got your game now. Is this how you pick up dudes? Get them drunk and then show them your anal collection?"

"First off, I didn't pick you up. And if we're talking about asses, I saved yours."

Swallowing another few gulps of whiskey, James grinned. "Then you must see something you like."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Listen, sport, this is how the big boys play. You've been beating around the bush all fucking night. Now, you want to play, I have no problem with that. Yes, to feed your unnaturally large  _ego,_ " he stressed the word as James started grinning at the word large, "you are a very good looking man, and yes, I did look. But I'm not playing the game where you get scared and cry rape. You want something, you ask." He leaned in, letting his eyes rake up and down the other man's body before he smirked. "And when you do, you say pretty please, sir."

James swallowed audibly and straightened up, trying to make himself appear taller - trying to not cower under Jasper's heavy gaze. "I don't cry rape, dude. That's not my style," he rambled as Jasper never wavered. "I'm just saying, you know, this is - I don't do this shit. I mean, I do, but not with other dudes. So...yeah, maybe I may want to, you know, see what all this is about." Jasper smirked but made no other motion to move. James looked at him, confused, and Jasper quirked his eyebrow.

And then James got it.

Taking a deep breath, James looked down at his feet. "Pretty please, sir."

Smiling broadly, Jasper clapped the other man on the shoulder. "See, that wasn't so hard now was it? Look at me," he commanded, his voice gentle but insistent. James's eyes, when they finally met his, were uncertain for the first time that night. But he could see the spark of excitement there.

"Listen," Jasper said in all seriousness. "This is all about trust. The whole concept behind what we do here is you trust me and I trust you. So you say stop, and I'll stop." He waited, making sure the other man understood. "Alright then. Since you're already acquainted with my basement, why don't you go wait there for me? You stand in the middle of the room with your hands on your head. If you do not have your hands on your head when I get down there, what Jane put you through at the club is going to feel like a walk in the park."

"Hands on my head? What - am I being arrested?"

"The first rule of Project Mayhem is, you do not ask questions!" Jasper barked. He grinned. "And the answer to your question is no, you're doing it because I say so." He paused. "Now."

James blinked, feeling thick headed because of the alcohol and the surreal atmosphere of the situation. He was, he had to admit to himself, excited. And curious.

Jasper watched the other man leave, wondering what the hell he was doing. Most people entered Underworld knowing what they were getting into. There could be no denying that James was drunk, but, if Jasper was judging the other man's actions correctly, he'd made the decision about what he wanted before the alcohol impaired his judgment. Jasper could sympathize. It wasn't easy being a straight male and suddenly finding out that things like public paddling and male on male kissing was exciting.

Still, he would have to push him a little. Make sure he wasn't going to bolt or wasn't playing some stupid game. Decided, Jasper made his way to the basement.

To Jasper's amusement the loud mouth had followed his instructions to the letter. He was standing in the middle of the room with his hands firmly planted on his head. Apparently he wasn't interested in a repeat performance with the paddle.

"Very good, Jaimie Boy."

James groaned. "Dude. My mom called me Jaimie Boy. When I was five. Can we just not? I don't want to be thinking about my mom right now."

"Fair enough, James," Jasper said with a chuckle. "See the counter over there, where you got this?" Jasper lifted the hook.

James winced. "Yeah..."

"Put your hands on the counter, and stick your pretty little ass out."

"You're not going to -"

"What's the first rule of Project Mayham, James?" Jasper asked patiently.

"No questions," James grumbled.

"Very good...and to answer your question, no, I'm not going to punish you," he said.

Looking relieved, James complied with Jasper's demand. He rested his hands on the counter, stepping back until he was bent over.

Passing James completely, Jasper went to the drawer beside the other man. He opened the drawer and had to try very hard not to grin when he heard James make a little noise in the back of his throat. The drawer was filled with butt plugs and dildos of various sizes.

Setting the hook in the drawer, Jasper ran his fingers over the implements, humming to himself as if he was trying to decide which one he wanted. In reality, he knew exactly what he was going to use. Just to get a reaction out of James, he lingered with his fingers on one of the larger plugs.

"Dude, I know we talked about trust here, and I wanna trust you. But I ain't spandex, I don't stretch to fit."

Snickering, Jasper plucked up the actual implement he intended to use.

"See this," he asked, placing the plug on the counter in front of him. "My cock is much bigger than this." He glanced down, and then looked back up at James with a grin. "Apparently, so is yours. And lord knows you've had your piece in a fair number of women. They turned out okay, right?"

James scoffed. "Trust me, they were more than fine. I did stick to their front, though," he mumbled.

Leaving the plug where it was, Jasper knelt.

"What are you -"

Jasper stopped, arching a single eyebrow.

"Project Mayhem. Blah blah blah. Jesus fucking Christ," James grumbled to himself.

Jasper only smirked in response and moved his hands to the button of the other man's pants. Popping the button one handed, Jasper let his other hand brush the tented fabric of his pants. James gasped, his body jerking. "Easy tiger," Jasper soothed. "Just relax."

"You fucking relax," James muttered under his breath, but the tension in his body eased and he moaned as Jasper rubbed him a little harder.

Going slowly, so James's pleasure outweighed his nerves, Jasper worked his pants down slowly. He left his boxers up for the moment, cupping the other man's balls, eliciting little mewls from the back of his throat.

Jasper stood, and moved around to James's back. He yanked his boxers down, grinning when James groaned. "Wow," Jasper laughed, whistling. "Either Jane is a lot stronger than she looks or you are one of those lucky people who mark up real pretty."

James chuffed, his breath coming in a stagger as Jasper rubbed his sore ass gently. "What can I say? I'm sensitive."

"Like I said," Jasper murmured, leaning low so his voice rumbled in the other man's ear, "lucky you."

Straightening up slightly, Jasper slapped James's ass several times in quick succession - one last test. As he expected, the bratty blond straightened up, his hands flying to his ass. "Hey! What the fuck. You said -"

"That wasn't a punishment," Jasper said with a light scoff. "That's a stimulant." He let his eyes drift down. James was still hard as a rock. He looked back up into the other man's blue eyes and grinned.

Glowering, James resumed his position with his hands on the counter.

"I'm impressed, Goldilocks," Jasper praised, patting James's back condescendingly.

"Who the fuck you calling Goldilocks? Have you seen your head?"

Jasper didn't answer, but gave James's ass another flurry of smacks, slightly harder than the ones previous. The other man groaned but didn't protest and Jasper knew he was as ready as he was going to be.

Still leaning over James, Jasper reached for the plug. He picked it up, along with the little bottle of lube he'd also set out.

"Lots of lube. Lots and lots of it," James babbled.

"Don't worry, I know what to do with innocent little boys and their butt-ginity."

"Butt-ginity?" James narrowed his eyes with incredulity. "Really? That's kinda lame."

Putting a hand on James's back, Jasper ran a lube-laden finger down his ass crack. "Do you really want to sass me right now?" he asked lightly, teasing.

James tensed. "No," he breathed out.

"No, what?" Jasper asked.

"No, sir."

"You really aren't as dumb as you look," Jasper said, letting his finger gently probe the other man's entrance. He went slowly - James was tense - working his finger in and out, going a little deeper with each turn.

"Fuck," James said between gritted teeth. He moaned.

"See? Turns out, being male gets even cooler. We are covered in nerves back here. Good?" he asked, flicking the pad of his finger against James's walls.

James chuffed. He might have tried to speak... it was difficult to tell. The noise he made came out as more of a whine.

Laughing lightly, Jasper withdrew his finger, placing the plug at James's entrance instead. The other man bit back a whimper.

Still moving slow, Jasper began to work the plug in and out. At first, James merely panted, getting used to the foreign feelings. Then he began to move, moaning and thrusting his hips a little.

"You like that? Hmm?" Jasper encouraged, squirming slightly himself because damn - watching the other man's wiggling ass was making his pants tight.

"Fuck," James said again, which Jasper took to mean 'yes, yes, oh god, yes'.

Soon, the whole plug was in James's ass, and Jasper was propped up with one arm on the counter. Leaving the plug where it was, Jasper reached around, aligning their bodies so his front was against James's back. He wrapped his hand, still moist from the lube, around the bratty blond's cock.

"You gonna come for me, James?" he asked as he stroked.

Ever eloquent, James only said, "Fuck!" but his hips bucked into Jasper's hand, seeking friction.

Expertly working James's body, Jasper coaxed the other man to an orgasm that made his knees shake. He caught James's come in his hand, grinning smugly as he wrapped his free hand around the bratty blond's waist since he was looking a little wobbly.

When he was sure James wasn't going to fall, Jasper let him go, slipping the plug out of his ass and stepping away to clean himself up.

"Well," Jasper said as he finished wiping his hand off, "was it good for you?" he asked, teasingly sarcastic.

James, who had stumbled to the edge of the bed and sat - gingerly - narrowed his eyes, panting lightly through slightly parted lips. His eyes traveled down Jasper's form, lingering at the obvious bulge at his jeans.

He shrugged, nonchalantly. "It was all right," he said, trying to play it cool while his heart was still hammering in his chest. He shifted his weight, trying to find a comfortable position. "Just so you know, I normally don't, like, come that quickly. Must be all the alcohol or something."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes - the man had just had another man's finger and butt plug in his virgin ass after all - Jasper just gave him a wide smile. "No worries, sugar. I know how good I am." He winked. "Now, are you ready for me to call that cab? I'd offer to drive you myself but I have a problem to take care of, if you know what I'm saying." There. Let him believe Jasper was going to jack off thinking about him. Which... if Jasper was being honest, was probably nothing short of the truth anyway.

James moved his eyes back down Jasper's body. "It'll take you, what? Five minutes. I can wait." He leaned back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Just in case you were wondering, that's not what 'you're welcome' sounds like," Jasper grumbled.

"What? You want like, reciprocation or something like that?" James asked, trying to sound appalled. But Jasper could swear that there was an edge of curiosity there. Deciding to play with the man a little more, Jasper smiled.

"While I wouldn't protest your 'reciprocation', I think you may find that I have a little more stamina than you do."

James sat up quickly. "Oh, hell no. You did just not say that. Get the fuck over here and we'll see how long you last."

"Whatever you say, sugar," Jasper chuckled, amused by how much this guy hid under his competitive nature. But there was no denying that whatever was happening here was something James liked.

Jasper walked over to the bed slowly, unbuttoning his pants as he went. In one smooth motion, both his pants and boxers had been discarded, leaving him completely bare as he stood in front of James. He laughed as the other man licked his lips, eying Jasper's cock.

"Here let me make it easier for you." Jasper sat down on the edge of the bed, reclining until he was laying flat against the comforter. He couldn't deny that he was enjoying himself.

With a shaky hand, James reached out and tentatively wrapped his fingers around Jasper's hard cock. Very slowly, he began moving his hand up and down, watching Jasper's face with rapt attention.

"Careful there, stud," Jasper rasped out. "I like it rough, but loosen that death grip down there."

"Shit, sorry," James muttered, moving his gaze down to watch his work. Jasper's breathing picked up, moving in time with James's hand. James slid his body down, wanting to get a closer look. It was so different at this angle; it looked nothing like how when he would jack himself off. He moved his head closer, mesmerized by the drop of liquid pooling at the top.

"Hey, what…" Jasper tried to ask between breaths, wondering what the hell the blond man was doing.

James held up a hand, quieting him. This was taking to long. James would not be outdone. He knew how to pleasure people. He was the fucking king of pleasure. He knew what this called for. Drastic measures and all that shit.

"Can't be that hard right?" James muttered, more to himself than Jasper. "I mean, girls make this look fucking easy..."

"Less lip and more... lip," Jasper said with a groan.

James studied the other man's cock as if he was looking for some sort of fungus. But, of course, it wasn't all that different than his. It was thicker... or maybe it just looked that way since he was about to put it in his mouth.

He let his tongue dart out, taking an experimental lick. It wasn't the same, but it wasn't that different than eating out a woman, at least taste-wise.

"Sugar, I know it's a work of art, but this is getting a little painful. I told you you were under no obligation," Jasper chuckled.

James looked up at him from under his eyelashes. "I got this," he said firmly. Thinking about it logically, James knew what he liked. Jasper had the same equipment... and it was pretty impossible to give a bad blow job.

So, he closed his eyes and dove in.

"Holy mother of madness!" Jasper exclaimed, his hands gripping the comforter in tight fists as James's hot mouth closed over his cock. "Fuck, where did you come from?" he asked, because suddenly the other man was all over. His lips slid up and down, one of his hands wrapped around the base of Jasper's cock and the other cupping his balls.

"Fucking hell," Jasper swore. "I knew that mouth of yours had to be good for something."

Luckily for James, Jasper was already worked up, what with all the moaning and groaning and the very attractive man orgasming after giving over his vanilla man-card. It took only long enough for James to truly appreciate womens' sucking stamina before Jasper was gripping his hair and uttering the mantra of the man about to explode: "I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Fuck."

James pulled back and Jasper took over, jerking himself over the edge while the other man watched.

And to James's surprise...it was a little hot.

He just stared, watching as Jasper cleaned himself up…again. He kept replaying what just happened in his head – over and over – trying to figure out... well, anything at this point.

"Hey, sport. You doin' okay there?" Jasper asked, his voice lighter than the harsh tone he had used earlier.

"I'm good. Good." James nodded, a little too enthusiastically.

Jasper walked over and patted James on the shoulder. "It's okay if you enjoyed it. No shame in that. Now, did you need a ride to your place, or you can stay here. We have an extra bed." Jasper offered, gesturing to the bed.

"Hotel," James inserted. "I'm staying at the Hyatt. Visiting from Chicago." He didn't know why he said it. It wasn't like this man needed to know where he was from or anything, but it just seemed like the natural thing to do. The two of them really knew nothing about each other. James shook his head. "I'll call a cab."

Jasper nodded and gathered up his clothes, pulling his pants back on. He turned around to see James doing the same. Without words, they both gathered themselves up, and Jasper called 4-1-1 since it was his address the cab would be coming to.

"So, uh, I guess, um, see ya," James stuttered, not really knowing what to say to the man after everything they just did.

Jasper smiled, a kind smile. "Have a good night, James."

James nodded and walked out the front door to wait for the cab.

_Edward will NOT find out about this._

**LyricalKris A/N: It was great to be part of this project. Thanks to everyone who donated! Hope you enjoyed this little fic of a fic crossover. Loved getting James - and therefore tellingmelies - to push his boundaries a little Hehehhe. Thanks to my darling girl and to jadedandboring for betaing. Thank you to MDealsWithIt who made our beautiful banner.**

**tellingmelies A/N: Sigh, where do I begin? I don't even know how this happened, I blame LyricalKris. This crossover took me places I never thought I would go as a writer lol, but I had a lot of fun and I hope you all enjoy it! Thanks to everyone mentioned above: jadedandboring and MDealsWithIt. And a special thanks to LyricalKris, I love you bb and only you could have gotten this out of me.**


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